I definitely agree with you.

Before my wife and I married she had a very similar experience. We chose to not let that wrong person and their wrong behavior keep us from being attached and functioning in the local church. We visited different congregations and talked with the leadership team until we found a church home where the truth of the Bible was kept, neither taking away nor adding anything to the Word of God. I can say with a clear conscience that God has provided more with the 90% we have lived on than I could have done on my own using the entire 100%. After 29 years of marriage and growing our family I have reached one major conclusion. God loves me, He loves you and all of us for that matter. His Word is truth. Do not allow a misguided person to live rent free in your head and therefore dictate whether or not you will fellowship with other Christ followers.

Hi Leighla. I’m sorry to hear this. What happened to you is truly appalling. Tithing is a matter between you and God. As I understand it, it’s based on Scripture and being led by the Holy Spirit. I pray that you will overcome your fear and look for another church home where you are accepted. Fellowship with other believers is so important. Please don’t give up!

Recently, I’ve started visiting a local church after not going to church for many years, and one of the women at that church tried to get me to help her with the children’s ministry – on the very first day I visited! I also notice that people (people in general, but Christians are no exception -and that’s the kicker) pressure pressure women far more aggressively than they do men into giving. Basically, the impression I get is that people (men AND women) tend to see men as people but they see women as objects, and that’s why they have no respect for women’s boundaries and feel entitled to take advantage of their private resources (time, energy, money even when they don’t have much of it).

Wow, I am so sorry that you had to go through that. I believe that tithing is not something that should cause hardship or anxiety, nor should you tithe because you feel obligated to. Tithing should bring you joy and that joy comes from obedience, not obligation. Your Pastor was wrong to make you feel like what you could afford to give wasn’t enough. Trust me, not all churches are like that and perhaps maybe this was God’s way of revealing to you the truth about your Pastor. Do not let his misuse of religion interupt your relationship with God. Pray to the Lord and ask him to bring you to a new church home and he will, just as he revealed to you the dark side of your Pastor.

I’m sorry to hear about the negative experience you had with tithing at your previous church. Your feelings are valid, and it’s unfortunate that it led to trauma. If you ever decide to explore a church community again, I hope you find a place that embraces understanding, empathy, and a supportive environment.

Wishing you strength and healing on your journey,
-Martina